Online Dating

While I was working retail, I met up with a match about a mile from my store. On paper, she was a good fit; attractive, well educated, and had a stable job as a children's therapist.

We enjoyed a delicious pizza and what was (and still is) one of my favorite pizzerias, though the conversation was...difficult. I tried to start a meaningful conversation, but either she wasn't having it, or she just plain ol' wasn't interested, and was looking for an out.

Sometimes, I’ll find myself chatting with someone for months before meeting up, if we even meet at all. Such was the case with “Belle”. She sent me three very blurry photos of herself (one was actually a scan of her passport photo, so it had a hologram through it), and while that’s normally a red flag, she seemed very nice, and we talked on the phone a couple times a week. I continued to pressure her to meet, yet she always came up with an excuse why she couldn’t.

Interestingly enough, I haven’t had that many online dates lie to me about their age–and if they have, they’ve appeared to be awfully close to their actual age.  In the few times when someone has been older than the date listed on their profile, it’s usually no more than a year or two.

That said…what scares me the most is the prospect of meeting someone who has lied in the opposite direction…  This hasn’t happened in a long while, as my dating preference is really older than 24.  But when I was 19, I didn’t mind dating someone 18.

Surprisingly enough, people lie about obvious things.  In fact, as you’ll notice, that’s the cornerstone of bad online dating stories.  Usually it’s something small; she’ll say “I weight 120 lbs” when she really weighs 130lbs.  Not a big deal.  “I’m 5’6″”, she says, but she’s really 5’4″.  Not the end of the world.

One of the most important aspects about online dating (or really any first date, for that matter) is an escape plan.

After chatting for nearly 3 months, I finally ended up meeting a woman in person. She was beautiful, funny, smart, checked all my boxes.

Back then, I didn't really know that I should invite first-meetings to coffee instead of a meal, and as a result, we were enjoying dinner at my favorite Japanese steak house.

Towards the end of the date, after I paid the bill, she said, "So, I'm not sure this is going to work out. One of my really good friends likes you a LOT, and I probably shouldn't see you."

I asked, "Who is your friend?"

Over time, I began to pick up red flags. Maybe I'd ignore them, maybe I wouldn't, but I started to be more respectful of my gut.

Then, there are times when a meeting has a fleet of red flags that are completely offset by the blood rushing to parts that aren't terribly good at balanced decision making.

My first ever meeting was in August or September of 1999. Relatively fresh off a breakup, I had been tooling around with the idea of meeting someone online, if anything, for the purpose of just getting back out there.

Cue Socialnet, an easy-to-use dating site that let you choose your general geographic area, personal details, photo (singular), and a bio. I signed up, and within a few hours, figured out how to search the other profiles available on the site.