Years ago, I said I'd create a guide, something with hints/tips/do's/don'ts of online dating.
It's been a while, but here's a bit of what I've learned.
General Rules
- Trust your gut. Always. Even if you think it'll be OK after a moment's thought, go back to this guiding principle: TRUST YOUR GUT. You have an experientially honed trouble-detector built in, and you'll get into the most trouble not listening to it.
- Do not ignore red flags. Like trusting your gut, taking note of red flags is a great way to enumerate the things about someone that could add up to a deal breaker.
- Look out for flags that aren't red. Orange, yellow, grey... Remember the little things that bug you, or stand out. They may not be a big deal initially, but they may irritate you to the point that you don't want to be with a person.
- Can't be positive? Leave. If you find yourself telling people about your mate, and most of what you say is negative, leave. (This originates from me listening to people talk about their significant other--if I don't hear positive things, then why the hell are you with them???)
- Know what you like, but be flexible. Don't be that "I'm too picky" person, but at the same time make sure you leave wiggle room. People can change (more physically than mentally), so being comfortable that someone may not be right right now could change.
- Don't expect someone to change. Conversely to the rule above, don't get together with someone with the intent to change them. There's a funny line I heard somewhere: "Men marry women expecting them to stay the same, and women marry men expecting them to change; the opposite occurs."
- Don't change for someone. This is pretty important--you are your own self; changing to the whims of someone elses' desires is super unhealthy.
- Live a little outside your comfort zone. Many of us don't know what we want, so leaving our comfort zone a bit helps figure it out.
- Don't give into the "rules" of dating. Not calling after three days? Not messaging too soon? Those are all sure ways to lose a potentially amazing partner...which leads me to...
- Don't play games. If you like someone? Tell them. You don't? Tell them you don't. Games are for children; you're an adult. Act like it.
- Be upfront about what you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with want to fuck around, or to be looking for the person of your dreams. But if you don't tell the person, you'll end up hurting them, which really just makes you a dick.
Ok...to be continued...